On Stage

Tonight was my first concert for Wind Symphony. I was pretty excited to play again. I seemed a little rushed for time in the hours leading up to the concert, but as I put on my concert black, I realized it had been over two years since I last wore that dress. I forgot how nice I feel in black. ("Are you wearin' a black bra?" And yes, actually. I was.)

Warm-up went really well, and I appreciate what Dr. Don said when he had us start at a difficult part in the piece to run through it. "For all you music ed majors . ..don't do what I'm doing right now. It'll take all the confidence out of your students. " David gave the prayer, and I was very impressed, especially since he's in the minority here at BYU because he's not LDS. Definitely someone I admire.

And then we were on stage! I feel so bad that Dr. Don gets SOO nervous before each concert. (I've had conversations with his wife about this actually . . .=). I think he was extra nervous this time because he didn't realize how soon the Symphonic Band had finished and that it was already our turn on stage. I forget how much directors sweat on stage. Nerves + hot lights + so much body energy= lots of sweat. And sometimes you see it fling off of his collar or forehead.
That was a random tangent.

I think we played very well! I only remember there being one part where I felt it didn't quite lock in, but overall, I think we performed really well. The two antiphonal trumpets in the Kingfishers piece sounded incredible, and I think the audience liked it a lot. And I personally play the pieces better when I haven't been playing a lot of high, fast and tongued stuff right before. I nailed this one part at the end of Colas that I couldn't quite get in rehearsal today, so I was glad for that.

I realized another performer's advantage as I was sitting on stage. During a concert, the audience has one chance to hear the piece and make an evaluative judgment. Was is a cool piece? Would I want to listen to it again? How unfortunate for the audience that for many of them, the only time they will ever hear this wonderful piece is at our performance. However, from a performer's standpoint, we read the piece, rehearse the piece, take it apart and put it back together, and we are more aware of how all the parts fit in. As such, we love the pieces better. More effort equates more enjoyment. I've experienced many a time where we read a piece and I think it's dumb. But as I learn the piece more and see it as a whole, it turns out to be pretty cool. (Example: Symphony for William that we played on last tour). Our concerts are the one opportunity we have to share that coolness with others, and then they are responsible for their own evaluative judgment. They may like it, or they may not. Whether or not they do, though, does not detract from how much we have come to love it.

There's a human aspect to this as well. Sometimes we only have one time to judge a person. Are they a good person? Would that person make a good friend? But as we take the time to get to know that person and learn his/her weaknesses and strengths, and the parts of the whole, we understand him better. And love him better. There's more to this analogy .. .think it through.

Well, then I played in Symphony Orchestra. I wasn't very familiar with the first two movements of the piece since I don't play for them, but I enjoyed them very much.

My family came to the concert; I should've checked where their tickets before buying them because the seats weren't very good. They couldn't see me at all. And something tells me they didn't enjoy the pieces nearly as much as I did.

I stayed to watch the Philharmonic perform. I was still in my seat with awe. Normally I'm a fidgeter, but when they played, it was just captivating. Live performance of 1812. From the balcony, I had a great view of the performers, and I could see how much they got into their music. It. was. incredible!!!

After the concert, I was glad to see several of my friends there. Marcus (who's teaching in the real world), Lily (who's student teaching), and performers in some of the groups. Of course, my chubbies, Lisa and Noelle. And Julia. Sarah, Abby, Laurisa, Alex . . .just to name a few. And special audience member, my sister-in-law Whitney! From Idaho! She's in town for the weekend with her mom, and her sister Chelsey performs in the Symphonic Band. It was super fun to see them.

Somehow I ended the night on a disconnect. The euphoria of performing and the atmosphere of being with my friends just doesn't seem to fit with my family's sense of togetherness. I don't know if I can really articulate the difference without sounding negative to my family, but .. .there's just something different. I'm glad they came to my concert, and I'm glad they want to support me. And they certainly enjoy music. But part of me feels really odd around them because they don't have the same experience with music that I do. For not knowing our pieces very well, the only feedback I get from them is "You guys sounded great!" I don't blame them, but that seems so trite after all the work we've put into our music. I guess maybe I feel like their level of enjoyment came nothing close to mine. But shouldn't it be the other way around? Anyway, I felt very weird with them tonight. So much so, that instead going out to get ice cream with them like we normally do after concerts, we just left. I was the one that suggested we leave, and I did it pretty rudely. So then we all went home our separate ways. And it made the rest of me feel sad as I went home. Why did I botch such an enjoyable evening? Why can't my music and family life seem to match up? Odd. Well, it may be one of the reasons I'm in favor of marrying a music major. Hmm . .

Guess what I did when I got home so that I wouldn't feel sad. Well, first of all I'm writing this post. And secondly, I started listening to the recordings of Kingfishers again. And believe me, the recording doesn't do any justice to the memories I have of playing that piece tonight on a live stage, seeing Dr. Don put his whole soul into conducting us, and knowing that there were two trumpet players in the back of the hall. There's just something about a live performance.

Remembering it made me feel just a little bit better. =)

Random thought: Without having to play these pieces in a live ensemble, how would I ever know about them? I would probably never ever listen to or experience many of these pieces. So, a big thank you to all my wonderful directors who have allowed me to experience such great literature!

You Become

Tonight I attended a Stake Fireside with special guest speaker/performer Alex Boyé from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Man, he is one funny and very talented black guy. He shared with us his conversion story and why he chose to do music as a career . .especially Church-type music. I enjoyed the fireside very much. He's really good at telling a story; it hardly seemed like he spoke for an hour and a half!
One thing that he said was pretty inspiring. He said, "You become what you think about most often." He gave both negative and positive examples, and it was very thought-provoking what he said. If I think most often about school, band, and trying to fulfill my calling (not always necessarily in that order), what does that mean I'll become? If I think about trying to put forth my best efforts and be a positive influence for others, what will I become?
Often I have doubts or fears about future events in my life. What happens if I never get married? Or how in the world will I remember everything that I'm learning in my classes to be a good teacher and reach every student? What if my students don't like me? What if I can't reach to every sister in my Relief Society? But I've learned that if I think positively about those things, they will turn out well. If I think about how I will be as a wife and mother, I will become that. If I think about the qualities and traits I want to have as a teacher, I will implement those in my classroom. If I think about every sister as a beloved daughter of God, I will treat them as such.
I think of the great missionaries in the Book of Mormon. The thing they thought about the most was how the Gospel changed their lives and brought them joy. Thus, they brought the Gospel to others and they became the messengers of joy to others.

Projection

Two comments from band directors I heard today:
In Wind Symphony:
"1st clarinets, bring out that melody more. We could use some more up there in that register." OK, who every really says that?! But that's a definite can-do . ..we have the melody in long note values while our friends in the 2nd and 3rd clarinet part have tricky licks. I ain't complainin'.

In Marching Band:
"Clarinets, we need a lot more sound from you!" Try as hard as we may, that one's a little trickier because we're in a middle (aka, non-projecting) register, and we'll be facing back field during that move. When we rehearsed it today, we played just about as loud as we could, and still Dr. Fullmer wants twice that volume. Oh, we can do it alright. . . ..if we weren't disadvantaged by the direction of travel, the register, the downward facing bell, the drumline, the sound-soaking grass, and the extraneous stadium noise. Don't worry. We got this. =)

Oh, and we got cookies from the Cougarettes today after they rehearsed with us. Yum yum!

Selflessness

I think one of the keys to creating good music is selflessness. Why does an orchestra work so hard to play everything so perfectly beautiful? So that the audience benefits from it. Why does a marching band practice so many hours in the heat to learn drill and clean up the music? So that the crowd at the game enjoys it. In return, why does a performer practice? To improve his tone, technicality, intonation, etc. so that he can better create a beautiful musical performance, as a solo or ensemble performer. In ensemble playing, you can't be the savior; playing f in the one p part does not make you cool. Consistently playing out of tune because there is no way you are wrong . .. also not cool.

I remember having a similar conversation with one of my friends on the last Wind Symphony tour. The performance is all about the audience. We do it for them. If we play wanting to receive all the recognition, or if we want them to think we are to be worshiped for our wow-factor--then I think we're doing it for the wrong reasons. The performance may be pristine and technically perfect, but I think it will lack the connection that makes music meaningful.

But if we perform wanting them to have an enjoyable, spiritual and moving musical experience, the musical connection is more likely to be there (even if we miss a few notes here or there). It makes me think of the two plans that were presented in the pre-mortal life. The plan is for US, not for the person who presented it. He wanted US to be able to return to live with Heavenly Father; he wanted US to have that connection. And even if we mess up on a few things in life, the connection is still there. And that's why, to me, a true musical performance is one of the most selfless Christlike acts there is.

Pluggin' Along

I've been assigned to play bass clarinet in the Symphony Orchestra. I was originally a little nervous about it because I've never played bass clarinet before, but I was excited for this additional opportunity. However, when I went to go check out my bass clarinet, Judi told me that that particular bass clarinet was in repair. And for the piece I'm playing on, the Performance Library didn't have my part, so they had to rent it. Every rehearsal day, I'd call up Judi in the Instrument office, "Hey, is my part in yet?" "No, we're still waiting."
But yesterday, when I called, she said, "Guess what! Your instrument's ready! And we have your music!" Great! So I bustled on over there and checked out that honkin' clarinet and awkwardly crawled over all of the violin players, the harpist, squeezed myself between the french horn stands and found my spot. Then they passed me over a chair and a stand, and I could finally start getting my instrument ready. Holy huge. The bass clarinet is big. I had a hard time figuring out how the bridge keys hook together, and there are some extra low pinky keys that I had fun figuring out.
But here's the best part. The Symphony Orchestra is playing three pieces. Out of those three pieces, I have a part for one piece. That one piece has three movements. I play on one movement. And out of the 40+ notes on the bass clarinet . . . I play two of them.
Hoorah.

Independence Day

Yesterday we were slaughtered. Due to some still fresh feelings on the BYU Cougar fan side, I'll not mention much about the football team.

But, man, I loved playing at the game! I forgot what it's like to march at a home game . ..the excitement, the exhilaration, the fans, the cheers . ..man, it was so much fun! And Synergy? Pump it up, man! Because it was the first home game, and the Utah game, there were soo many people there during pregame. That was the loudest crowd I've ever played for. Rock on.

Not mentioning the football team, I think the most embarrassing thing of the evening was the Star Spangled Banner. Because of the giant flag on the field, we were positioned all in the north endzone. Which means that half the band couldn't see the director from where he was on the 15yd line. So the half of the band that couldn't see him was almost an entire measure off. Great . ..the one thing the entire stadium has in common, and we totally botched it. Oh well . . .we did great on our combined patriotic number at halftime.

I love the 33-yr tradition that we have to play a combined number with the Utah Band at halftime. I like what the announcer said as we were coming on the field together, "To celebrate the red, white, and blue . . ." I just never made that connection before. Between the two schools, we have our country's colors. Anyway, I give major props to the Utah band. When we rehearsed with them, they were so nice. I was very impressed with their good sportsmanship. They sounded great in the stands (they played significantly more than we did). And their show music, although lacking in dynamic contrasts, was very flashy, in-your-face type music. Way cool. Then again, their football team played the same way . ..in-your-face.

Perhaps because our team wasn't playing so well, but I felt like our fans actually listened to us at this game. To quote my friend Lisa, we're all winners in the band. I may have felt sad, but I just played and it made me feel better. And yes, even when we played the fight song after the last buzzer, I was still cheering as loud as I could "Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra! GO COUGARS!!" There's just something about playing in the band that makes any football game enjoyable. Even when our football team is slaughtered.

I've gotten mixed reactions from non-band people. "I'm sorry you had to stay the whole time." Shoot, I'm not! We are the true BYU fans, are we not? We stay there and support the team, even when we lose. We are the loudest and truest fan section. "The best thing about the game was the band!" Well, that's true. At least some BYU people dominated the field. Even if it was only for 15 minutes at halftime.

My Favorite Things

Raindrops on roses? Raindrops (snowflakes) that stay on my nose and eyelashes?
How about raindrops on 180 marching band kids. I like it much better.

I went to the stadium early today for work, and it was bright and sunny when I got there. After two hours of being inside the stadium, I noticed as the band kids arrived, they just huddled inside. Hmm . . .So, I took a little look-see outside, and it was pouring! So much so, that I could smell the rain before I even stepped outside the band facility.
But you know what .. .nothing deters a band with conviction, I tell you what! We marched right on through the rain. Pregame, followed by halftime. And then we booked it back to the band room to finish the rehearsal on the rest of our stand cheers and tunes. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of us. As chilly and wet as we all were, we still pushed hard. We still rolled our feet. We still dug in. We still cheered "Go Mighty Cougars!" That is spirit and dedication, I tell you what. There's only an elite few of people who enjoy being out in the rain so much. It makes me smile .. . a lot. And to think that just a few weeks ago, we were begging for water in the August heat. Don't you just love autumn? =)

p.s. We played My Favorite Things my freshman year in the Cougar Marching Band.

Welcome!

Welcome friends to my new blog. The inspiration for this blog has been in the making over the last few weeks, so now when I have a free moment, I'm actually creating this blog. (Notice that my free moment is 11:50 on a Friday night).
I'm using this blog as a way to post my thoughts and feelings in regards to music, my experiences in music as a performer, an employee, a friend, a learner, and a teacher. There are so many things I love about music, and my music experiences have become like tender mercies from the Lord. They're so personal. Which is why I decided to document them.
So throughout this blog, you'll learn a lot about me through my music. Have a good time, ya'll!